Scum of the Girth: Justin Bieber could be answer to American financial woes - LSU The Reveille

<div readability="112"> <p>&#13; Justin Bieber has become a household name since the little guy was discovered by Usher a few years back. Since then he's been driving the majority of Americans crazy with his repetitive lyrics and female vocal chords.</p> <p>&#13; Bieber has been remarkably successful since his descent from Canada — or ascent from Hell, I can't remember which.</p> <p>&#13; He's managed to make millions and millions of dollars and gain worldwide fame all before sprouting his first pubic hair, an achievement few of us could ever accomplish. By the time I was 17 all I managed to do with my life was successfully blame my farts on the fat kid sitting next to me in class.</p> <p>&#13; Bieber even bought a $1.7 million condo in the heart of Los Angeles. Pretty impressive considering he still needs his mom to co-sign on his bank account for another year.</p> <p>&#13; As you all know, our country is a severe state of denial about how much debt we're in. We're currently at risk of defaulting on our $14 trillion bill. We've managed to borrow trillions of dollars on our outstanding credit rating as a country with the expectation that we would eventually pay it back.</p> <p>&#13; Usually, if you borrow a substantial amount of cash and don't pay it back, somebody comes to your house and breaks your</p> <p>&#13; kneecaps. In our situation, the burden to pay will be put on the taxpayers, even though we weren't the ones who mismanaged the hell out of all that cash.</p> <p>&#13; The way I see it, we have a problem. But we also have a solution. That solution just happens to be a moderately talented Canadian with a permanent itch on his ear that only a hair flip can scratch.</p> <p>&#13; What I am calling for is a radical redistribution of Justin Bieber's wealth. Karl Marx would be so proud.</p> <p>&#13; Let's be honest with ourselves. This little punk has more money right now than the majority of us will ever see in our lives. Let's take it. All he's doing is buying luxury condos and Hebrew tattoos to adorn his rib cage. Oh yes, it happened.</p> <p>&#13; Justin Bieber has pissed off America for the last time. It's aggravating to hardworking adults to see a virgin singing about his girl problems. Get a divorce, dude, then you can sing. Hell, then you'd be qualified to sing country music, too.</p> <p>&#13; I want this country to tax Justin Bieber. Tax the hell out of him. Take away his condo, take away his endorsements and take away his new perfume. If you haven't heard, it's a women's fragrance called "Someday," as in "Someday my balls may drop."</p> <p>&#13; Shave his head and glue the hair to his chest. Perhaps the warmth near his lungs will result in a deeper voice for our dear friend.</p> <p>&#13; Take everything this kid makes and use it to pay off our $14 trillion debt. It probably won't take very long. And if you don't want to pay off the debt with it, at least give it to somebody who deserves it.</p> <p>&#13; Give it to the single moms, give it to the auto workers or give it to the schools. You can even build a Justin Bieber Hair Flipping Academy. I honestly don't care. The bottom line is that his lifestyle and excessive income are a slap in the face to hardworking people everywhere.</p> <p>&#13; Nobody wants to see a little kid living the life everyone dreams of, especially if he honestly possesses very little talent. Let's knock him down a peg. We'd all enjoy it.</p> <p>&#13; <em>Parker Cramer is a 20-year-old animal science junior from Houston, Texas. Follow him on Twitter @TDR_pcramer.</em></p> <p>&#13; ——</p> <p>&#13; Contact Parker Cramer at pcramer@lsureveille.com</p> <!-- refresh --></div>